The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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