i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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