She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sorry about my life...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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