"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
