Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
