You're so nebulous sometimes
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
