her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So here I am, sexting at work.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
