you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
