Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
