Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
