I puked a lego.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
