did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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