please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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