actually, I'm a sock model
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
