This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
