I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
