So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
