dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
