I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize