Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
