This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
