don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
