Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I skipped work to stalk him.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
