I love black thongs
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
