What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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