i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize