Three words: puerto rican gang bang
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
