you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
