you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
