My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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