Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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