Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
