Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
