i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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