Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
