it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
