I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
