Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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