youre lurking in front of me
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That accounts for only three of the penises
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
