you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
