Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
