I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize