you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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