Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
