Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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