I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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