Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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