The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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