i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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