booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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