If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Randomize
