Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
