I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize