I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
