sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
