I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
