Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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