So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
