Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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