giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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