Porn is love you can see.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
birth control should be required to get into college
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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