I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
