Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
