I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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