I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
