he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
