Kiss
Puke
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
