I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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