He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
