Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
